Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Book Review: Women Food and God

Several weeks ago, I saw an episode of Oprah and the description for the show said that she would never diet again. My first thought was oh sweet Jesus! Oprah's gone rogue,  is ready to embrace her fatness and throw all caution to the wind! Somebody call Bob Greene ASAP!

Her guest was Geneen Roth and she has a new book called Women, Food and God. I immediately tried to download the book to my iPad because if Oprah found the answer to weight loss then you know this shit is good! Note: the book is not available on iBook or Kindle.

I bought the book and it's taken me a few weeks to get through it...mainly because every time I'd start reading it...I'd want a snack. Reading about compulsive eating makes me hungry. It just does.

Finally, yesterday I committed to finishing the book and really understanding what I was supposed to get from it. I had several A-HA moments as I like to call them. The biggest one was this.

I eat when I'm not hungry because I am trying to numb my feelings.

Geneen dismisses the idea that there is an inner child in some of us that have experienced a trama as children and instead says that there are frozen places in ourselves...pockets of pain that need to be recognized and welcomed.  I honestly believe that there are certain things that my brain won't allow me to feel anymore and it all started when I was 7 years old.  The Voice tells me that I need to eat.....the stress is too much and the pop tart/cookies/candy bar/ice cream will make everything better.

A-HA moment number two....Restrictors and Permitters.  When I'm trying to lose weight, I'm a classic Restrictor...I believe in control and operate on the idea that chaos is imminent and steps must be taken to lessen the impact. (i'm actually like this in every aspect of my life) Restrictor's can never really relax since they are fighting to stave off the inevitable.  And if it's not's not worth doing.

I know people that are Permitters...they hate rules and being on a eating program equals misery for them.  They prefer going through life in a daze with the idea that if they aren't aware of it then it doesn't exist.  They don't want to try...because if they don't try, they can't fail.

The problem here is that when you live with a Permitter...they turn you into one.  Being around them gives you permission to binge and bury your head in the sand.

After reading this book, my goal is to quiet The Voice and try to understand why I'm eating when I'm not hungry and what I am trying to numb myself from.  What emotion or feeling am I trying to escape from. It's not about the food....

The Eating Guidelines

  1. Eat when you are hungry.
  2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment.
  3. Eat without, TV, iPad, iPhone, book or magazine.
  4. Eat what your body wants.
  5. Eat until you are satisfied.
  6. Eat in full view of others.
  7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

I have many bad habits....eating while reading, eating at my computer, hiding and sneaking food and eating too much sugar because that's my drug of choice.

I have lots of work to do and I'll be documenting it here.

I just took the Restictor/Permitter Quiz on and here are my results.

Out of a possible score of your 10, your score is:
Your Restrictor score is 7.
Your Permitter score is 3.
Your Healthy Awareness score is 0.

What does it mean to be a Restrictor?
You believe in the need to control—yourself, what you eat and your environment. Things could turn bad at any moment, so you're going to take action now to minimize the impact. If you had your way, you'd probably run the world a little bit better too. Dieting is comforting because it provides a sense of control. You like to think less is more. If you reveal less of yourself, there is less of you to get hurt. You know how many calories are in an Oreo cookie. You follow the advice of the latest research and take immediate steps to modify your diet once you are told what to do. You love to follow the rules. You may even feel like your life depends on it. You work hard. So hard that you secretly believe if it's not hard, it's probably not worth doing.

What does it means to be a Permitter?
You are the life of the party. Or at least, people think you are. You think rules are meant to be broken. Dieting for you is miserable and not worth it because you always gain the weight back again. You are suspicious of programs and the latest eating guidelines and research—maybe even this quiz. You find yourself grazing at the refrigerator again and have no idea how you got there. You don't want to your feel pain, or anyone else's for that matter. You would prefer to walk through life unconsciously because then you won't be disappointed if you fail. You don't see the point in taking control, so you've decided to join the party and hope for a good time.

What does the Healthy Awareness score mean?
You incorporate healthy eating habits into your daily routine. You understand the connection between your emotions and your food choices. You listen to your body's cues for when you are hungry and when you are not. You make your decisions consciously based on those cues. While you may not make healthy choices all the time, you are aware when you are falling into a pattern of behavior because you feel it in your body and you make changes to get back on track. You understand that the goal isn't perfection—it's the journey to knowing yourself that really matters.

A few words about labeling yourself
While this quiz is a fun and helpful way to begin the process of identifying your eating tendencies and behaviors, it's important to note that everyone is both a Permitter and a Restrictor. The minute a Restrictor binges, she turns into a Permitter. Every time a Permitter decides to go on a diet, she becomes a Restrictor. While assigning labels to complex human behaviors is convenient, it can become an easy way to distance yourself from thoroughly understanding your pattern of behavior. The purpose of this quiz is to help you understand your relationship with food a little better than you did before. But, if you find yourself feeling confused, rationalizing and justifying what you eat, or forcing your behavior into one label or another, then forget you ever heard these words.

This quiz revealed to me that when I'm in the company of other people...I become a Permitter!  Ironically...all the times in my life that I've been single, I lose weight and become excellent at following a strict diet and exercising.  When I'm in a relationship...I gain weight and eat to numb my feelings.

AHA MOMENT: I suck at relationships and I struggle with feelings of being loved, protected and  appreciated.  If my Mom doesn't love me...why would anyone else?  Men can't be trusted because they cheat and leave.  I live my life in fear. 

Goal for this week:

  • Listen to and be kind to my body.  
  • Write in my journal about the feelings I'm escaping from and why I struggle with my relationships. 
  • Start recognizing signs of hunger and only eating when I feel them.  
  • Stop eating in front of the TV/Computer and no iPad at the kitchen table.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Operation Vacation Weight

Pre-Vacation Weight: 189.8
1st Day Back Weight: 194.8
Today's Weight: 193
Weight Lost: 1.8

I think that must be the water weight....although, I'm still having trouble getting back on my schedule.

All of the junk food is mostly gone from the house now excpet for a giant bag of snack sized chips. And I found a piece of raspberry fudge in the fridge. You should be proud of me...I didn't eat the whole piece. Just took a few little bites.

My sister has moved back in (yes, she moved out for two months) and she brought her pop tarts and Dr. Pepper (and her dogs) with her. Her stay is supposed to be short so I'm hoping that her habits and food won't rub off on me.

She recently had LIPO so I'm hoping she wants to start eating better. We'll see.

I'm trying very hard to control my stress eating. While on vacation NASA (through Obama) pulled an underhanded stunt which will likely result in my husband being laid off this week. If by some miracle they decide to hold on...we have until September.

I knew the job would be coming to an end by September but the prospect of losing our income this week has left us scrambling.

As of yesterday...we decided to start the decluttering and packing to move project. So far, this is keeping me too busy to spend much time in the pantry.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

5 Pounds

Pre-Vacation Weight: 189.8
Today's Weight: 194.8

Wow...5 pounds!

I'm going to weigh my kids this morning because I'm pretty sure that they gained weight too. I stocked the house with fruit, veggies and their favorite white meat chicken nuggets.

I came home to moldy, rotten fruit and a pantry full of cookies, candy, zinger and cupcakes.

They also ate fast food every single day. I have pictures (that were texted to me) of them in ever burger joint in the city.

Gee...I wonder why I'm was fat?

Last night we took my family out for a Thank You Dinner and my daughter had the choice of fries or fruit. I was really proud of her when she picked the fruit! When it arrived she looked at her plate and said. Fruit...I missed you! we take the enablers grandparents back to the airport and start eating healthy again.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Vacation is Over

I got back from my week in San Francisco last night. I didn't post all week because I did not watch what I ate or drank and I was embarrassed to admit what I was doing.

I gained 4 pounds....

The good news is that I walked a lot and many times I only ate half of something I'd ordered.

Tomorrow....we get back to business!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Log: June 5...Vacation Prep

1st Day's Weight.........190.6
Yesterday's Weight.....190.4
Today's Weight...........189.8
LOST: .6 pound

Holy Moly! This has got to be a record for me. Instead of gaining during TOM...I've actually LOST!

I haven't had any chocolate or wine (until last night) and I did have some carbs (cereal) but I didn't over indulge like I normally do. This feels like a breakthrough!

So...yesterday I told you that my Aunt was coming to visit right?  Well, I decided to make spaghetti and meatballs and that I would eat the meatballs and a salad.  Not long after she arrived when we were sitting having a chat...she told me about this diet that she's on where she takes these drops.

The hCG Diet!! 

I guess she didn't know that I'm the QUEEN of the hCG diet!  So it turned out well...we both ate the same thing but she CHEATED and ate a piece of garlic bread. I kind of cheated too because she brought me a bottle of wine from Santa Fe and I really wanted some.  It was great!

We leave for San Fran tomorrow and I'm nervous about gaining weight while we're gone.  I know I'm going to eat....many wonderful things and I'm hoping all of the walking will even that out.

I think I'm going to try to keep up the food journaling so that I can try to stay somewhat accountable for what I'm eating.  Does that sound good?  Don't hate me if I eat something really delicious okay?

Oh...and I did think ahead and I'm bring almonds and granola bars for snacks so that don't overeat.

eggs with goat cheese ( i love goat cheese)
Coffee with half and half

M&M's (bad grocery store habit)



16 oz
Cleaning, packing, stressing out!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Dieter's Log: June 4

Yesterday's Weight.....191
Today's Weight.........190.4
LOST: .6 pound

Take That TOM!

I don't know if it's menopause sneaking up on me or what but the last 6 months...TOM casually shows up without much fanfare and then on the third day of his visit...BAM! Bloat, cramps, cravings and moodiness.

My Aunt Flo Faith arrives tonight and I can't figure out what to make for dinner. I want to make something easy like Spaghetti but that requires carbs and I'm trying really hard to avoid them. Maybe I'll just eat a salad....

This is my friend Jessica Bern....not the REAL Aunt Flo.

2 egg scramble w/Goat Cheese
Coffee with half and half

Boneless Chicken Wings from Wendy's
Iced Tea


2 Meatballs
Salad with Gorgonzola, mushrooms and tomatoes

32 oz


Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dieter's Log: June 3

Yesterday's Weight....190
Today's Weight........191
GAINED: One Pound

Whatever TOM!

Did you watch Jillian Michael's new show Losing It? This family was a tough one for me to watch because their story was so similar to my husband's family story. They also lost a little boy and have never dealt with his death or put a headstone on his grave. In fact, they haven't been to his grave in 30 years. It's as if he never existed....makes me so sad.

I think my little experiment is going well...if I only gain a pound with TOM this week I will be THRILLED! The good news is that I don't feel super bloated and I think it's because of all the water I'm drinking. I'm going to step it up today.

2 more days til I leave for Vacation!!

2 egg scramble w/Mushrooms & Goat Cheese
Coffee with half & half

Turkey/Provolone Lettuce Wraps

Granola Bar...I couldn't help myself!

32 oz

Exercise: More Cleaning....

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Dieter's Log: June 2

Yesterday's Weight..191
Today's Weight........190
LOST: One Pound

Wow...I didn't see that coming.

Last night I had my husband scared that I might be pregnant because TOM hadn't arrived yet. I love how freaked out he gets by that...just cracks me up!

TOM has arrived now so all is well and my husband's blood pressure can go back to normal.

I tried to redeem my cookie eating yesterday by eating a salad for dinner. Either it worked or Thin Mints are a dieting mystery and have zero calories in them.


2 egg scramble with mushrooms, pearl onions & goat cheese
Coffee with half & half

3 pieces leaf lettuce
5 Pieces of turkey lunchmeat
1 Piece provolone cheese
1/4 avocado

14 Almonds
Romaine Lettuce
3 oz Chicken
Gorgonzola Cheese
40 oz

Cleaning....20 minutes

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Dieter's Log: June 1st...Diet Canceled for the Day

Yesterday's weight: 190.6
Today's weight is....191.

TOM is just starting to show his ugly face so I believe this is the usual weight gain but I'm determined to keep it to a minimum.

I went shopping for clothes yesterday. It was a last minute thing...we stopped into JC Penney to get my husband some underwear and shirts and he asked if I needed anything. Are you kidding me? I think spent an hour trying on clothes and getting his opinion. I learned two things:

1. Never try on clothes when you are about to get a visit from TOM and you have a migraine.
2. My husband (aka Nitnots) and I do NOT have the same taste in clothes.

I ended up buying one outfit that he liked (the entire outfit is some shade of brown) and one shirt that I LOVED! All in all...a very successful trip.

2 egg omelet with mushrooms & cheese Golden Grahams with milk
Coffee with half and half

6 Thin Mints sent to me by a reader of my blog.

Afternoon Morning Snack:
14 Almonds

Salad with pear and gorgonzola

40 oz

Exercise: Cleaning for 90 minutes. Lose It App claims that is 272 calories. I should clean more often.