Saturday, March 27, 2010

Dr. Google Is Not My Friend

As I sat in the waiting room of the Lab at the hospital waiting my turn to have 6 vials of blood drawn, a Mom and her teenage daughter walked in.  The daughter was dressed like a street walker...short skirt, 6 inch black heels and a bustier.  My first thought was....please God don't let Mallory ever want to dress like that.  But then my thoughts became deeper and I prayed that God would let me live to see Mallory dress like that.

Those are the kinds of thoughts that go through your mind when you're jonesing for coffee, starving and scared shitless because the four hours of allergy testing only showed an allergy for Kentucky Blue Grass that you didn't know you had.

I had a hunch that something bad was coming when I spent 46 minutes waiting for the doctor to return with my results.  Good news comes faster....

She tried to explain to me that I do not have a venom allergy and that my swollen lip is not caused by anything I'm eating, drinking, breathing or touching.  There is something inside my body causing it.

Something that, although rare....must have been triggered by the bee sting 8 months ago.  And that's why I had blood drawn for testing for systemic diseases.   This is also a good time to note that you should never google Systemic Diseases in a hospital waiting room.  This should only be done in the privacy of your own that when you freak the fuck're with people that love you and not some little old lady that wants you to know that the plants in the waiting room are thriving because of the lights...much like marijuana plants that are grown in drug houses.  

There is also a very good chance that I found myself at Burger King ordering a Whopper and it was the most delicious thing I've ever eaten.  I was full the rest of the day and didn't eat dinner and miraculously lost a little over a pound.

The results to my tests...if the news is bad, will arrive in a week.  Otherwise, I will be going over the results with my doctor in three weeks.  Why do the doctors here always make me wait three weeks?

Until we know what's going on....I was advised to stop the hCG diet because it is a growth hormone and it makes cancer and diseases accelerate.  I knew this going in...I just never in a million years thought there could be anything wrong with me.

Do you want some good news?  My blood pressure was 109/68!  At my last visit with Dr. Cindi in January it was 109/79.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Easter is Cancelled

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 14    Days Remaining  14

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  181.2

Todays Weight:         182.6
Released:                   1.4  pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds
Week Two Release:  1.2 pounds....and counting

I am so freakin irritated right now.  During this cold I gained back almost 4 pounds.  Part of this is the body's defense mechanism and part of it is because I felt so bad that I ate a couple things that I shouldn't have....comfort food.

This is why I've decided to cancel Easter.  Well....not EASTER but Easter dinner.  I can't eat ham and I don't really feel like preparing an elaborate meal that I can't eat so we will eat normally.  I do dread bringing anymore chocolate into the house.

Perhaps I'll bring in just enough for the day.  Only put a small amount into the children's Easter baskets.

And this brings to the final countdown....

14 days (not counting today) left.

OH!  Good news today....I'm going to the Allergist finally to see if they can make my lip stop swelling up.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Fighting a Cold

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 12

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  178.8
Todays Weight:         181.2
Released:                   2.4  pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds
Week Two Release:  2.6 pounds....and counting

UGH...I have a cold.  It's really weird how the human body reacts to illness.  As soon as the sore throat and runny nose started...I started to notice my wedding ring feeling tight on my finger. I'm up 2.4 pounds...which I know is impossible because I haven't eaten hardly anything.  Nothing sounds good and even coffee tastes bad.

I hope this doesn't last very long because I was thinking of ending this round right before Easter so I could enjoy the holiday (minus the chocolate and my favorite potatoes).  At this rate...I may just skip Easter dinner altogether.   I don't think my family would really care anyway.

My other potential stop date is the weekend after Easter (the 10th) because my daughter and I are throwing a tea party.

Remember the Oscar party I attended with my husband and the blue martini incident?  My friend Sara who threw the party sent me the pictures yesterday and I was soooo pleased with how they turned out.

Monday, March 22, 2010

It's a Miracle!

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 10

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  181.2
Todays Weight:         178.8
Released:                   2.4  pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds
Week Two Release:  5 pounds....and counting


I have lost 5 pounds in the last two days.   Here's what is curious about this.  I started to lose more weight when I started giving myself the shots four days ago...when I started measuring the hCG myself....and not having my sister do it.

Either we're experiencing a miracle here....or I wasn't getting enough hCG!

We went shopping yesterday and discovered that we are wearing the same size now. And Oh my Heck, I bought a new bra yesterday....36C and the straps are a training bra!  Even the fastener in the back is small.  I guess when you're hauling around a lot of weight your undergarments have to be industrial sized.

Edited:  Just realized...I haven't weighed this weight since HIGH SCHOOL!  23 years ago....

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I Has NOT Cheeseburger

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 9

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  183.8
Todays Weight:         181.2
Released:                   2.6  pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds
Week Two Release:  2.6 pounds....and counting

Holy Cow!  Did you see that up there?  2.6 pounds in one day.

I went to the grocery store by myself yesterday after returning from a little boy's birthday party where I turned down cake.  While shopping....I started to crave a cheeseburger and since I was one would know if I went through the Wendy's drive thru and got one.

There was a line in the drive thru and I don't like lines plus someone might see my car and wonder what I was doing in line at Wendy's.

I went home and thought about that cheeseburger all night.

I'm so glad I didn't get that cheeseburger.....

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Water Please

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 8

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  184
Todays Weight:        183.8
Released:                   .2 pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds

I didn't drink enough water yesterday. And I didn't get much sleep last daughter has a cough and my legs were cramping up. I hope I do better tomorrow....

Bobbi forgot to give me my shot yesterday so I had to give it to myself. It wasn't so bad so I think I will just do it myself from now on so I don't have to wait for her.

I've got a crazy plan in my head about a way to surprise my husband with a big reveal when I finish this round.  I just have to coordinate a bunch of things and I'm hoping that planning this will help keep my mind off the losing and on the goal!

I'll tell you more about it this week.....

Friday, March 19, 2010

We Are All Precious

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 7

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  185
Todays Weight:         184
Released:                    1 pounds

What an emotional week!

I think my daughter's birthday brought all kinds of emotions up for me and has made it hard to get my head where it needs to be to do this.  The last few weeks, God has been testing me too....there is the possibility that my husband will be getting a job 5 miles from my parent's house.  The parents that I'm estranged from at the moment.  And I keep getting little messages about forgiveness.

He's definitely trying to tell me something.

I have all of this *stuff* crammed in a closet and when I open the door a little bit...everything comes falling out.  Why can't the emotions and memories be in nice little boxes that I can open one at a time and deal with them?

If you are in a state like this...the worst thing you can do is watch Precious.  I watched it yesterday during nap time and it's a heart wrenching film.  I was exhausted after watching it and just so sad. One thing I did realize was that there are women out there that have had much worse things happen to them.  My problems aren't that bad and I can do something about it.

But it's still ONLY ME that can prevent forest fires.  Was anyone else traumatized by those ads as a child or was it just me?  That's a lot of pressure to put on a kid....

Yesterday, I was worried that my hCG was no longer potent because I've been sooo hungry.  Bobbi called the pharmacist and he said it should be good for 60 days.  Mine is 69 days old.  I did some research online and found out I could test it by putting some on a pregnancy test.

I used to buy them by the bucketfull so I went to my stash and found that I only had one left and it was a digital one.  I felt silly standing around the kitchen waiting to find out if my drugs were pregnant but the good news is that we got a YES!

I thought about tricking my husband....but I didn't.  He's probably have a heart attack or something.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I'm Like Smokey Bear

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 6

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  185.6
Todays Weight:         185
Released:                    .6 pounds

Thank you everyone that commented yesterday and gave me your thoughts on what a normal weight should be.  You're's different for everyone.

I did end up discussing it with my husband (against my better judgement) and he wants me to lose another 10 pounds.  I kind of figured that's what he was going to say because all of his previous girlfriends (BC...Before Connie) were thin and beautiful.  *Connie Rolls Her Eyes*

Thinking about body image and self-esteem leaves me with a pit in my stomach because I grew up with a father that never thought I was thin enough and threatened to divorce my Mom if she didn't lose weight.  I watched her struggle with her weight and go on diet after diet.

I don't want my daughter to ever feel the way I did or witness this kind of behavior.  It's so important to me that the mistakes of my childhood never be repeated and it feels sometimes like I'm the only one that prevent that.  I'm like Smokey Bear and ONLY I can prevent forest fires.  Son of a Pelosi!  Being a Mom is exhausting!

Anyway, thanks for listening.  I guess I need to go work on my Stepford Wife Transformation.....

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

What is Normal?

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 5

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  187
Todays Weight:         185.6
Released:                    1.4 pounds

I took my measurements this morning.

I'm really happy with my progress and according to the size chart at Banana Republic...I'm now a size 12.  This thrills me to no end but it's also been giving me much to think about today.  All my life....I wanted to be a 12.  When I was a teenager...I always wore a size 11 (junior sizes run odd numbers for some crazy reason) and I thought I was perfect at that size.

After I graduated from high school and gained weight...I always dreamed of being a size 12 again.  I considered that a healthy size for me and it was where I always longed to be again.

When I look at myself in the mirror without clothes....I like what I see.  I'm not skinny but I'm much thinner and proportionate.  I still have pockets of fat (my little mommy belly) but much of the fat rolls have disappeared.  The pants that I've bought fit me really well and they look good on me.

At 185.6 pounds my BMI is 28.3 and according to the normal weight should be 164 pounds.'s the thing.  I know that I have more muscle and possibly bone than a normal person.  I am not a small boned person.  This morning I did this little test to figure out what my bone structure is and it's medium....almost large.  This would put my normal weight between 169 and 180 according to this website.

Then I took their body fat test and it told me that I have 21% fat.  Which comes to 38.9 pounds of fat and 146.1 pounds of muscle, bone and body water.  According to their data...a healthy body fat percentage is 22% and now I'm just below that.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this.

I don't want to be skinny.  I don't want to bust my ass to maintain a weight that is unrealistic for me.  Which brings me to the reason for this post.

Do I really need to lose 20 more pounds? 

I'm trying to be realistic and I'm thinking about my daughter and how my weight is going to effect her life.  I would rather easily maintain a size 12 than struggle to maintain a size 8.  My goal was to get my weight under control before she could remember me being overweight and not have my struggles influence her body image. The goal was to be a normal, healthy weight and not skinny.

I've been so wrapped up in losing weight and I love seeing the results on the scale and I almost feel like I've become addicted to the excitement of seeing results everyday.  But how much is too much?  How much weight (pun intended) should we put in the charts that insurance companies and doctor's offices use?

What should my normal weight be....and when should I say enough is enough and stop dieting?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Fast Food Chicken

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 4

Starting Weight:          187
Yesterday's Weight:   184
Todays Weight:           187
Released Gained:        3   pounds
TOM is  having a hayday with me this month.  And I made a mistake yesterday.  I was out doing some shopping with my famliy and I didn't plan ahead and ended up eating at McDonalds.  I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich (i removed the bun) and an iced tea....but they gave me SWEET TEA and I didn't take it back.  I was so hungry and thirsty that I just drank it.  I'm concerned that there is just too much sodium/fat in the fast food chicken and I'm retaining water (among other things) today.

I feel like crap.

This could also be due to the fact that I watched FOOD, INC the other day.  Have you seen this?  Totally freaked me out and made me want to stop eating meat from the grocery store and never eat fast food again.  The good news is that we've cut way back on that since I've been on this diet.  My family is definitely healthier since I've started this.

Monday, March 15, 2010

I'm All In

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 3

Starting Weight:          187
Yesterday's Weight:   188.6 
Todays Weight:           184
Released:                      4.6   pounds
That's what I'm talking about! 
 I had a conversation with my brother in law on Saturday about food addiction.  After seeing me in person for the first time since I started this diet...he's interested in trying it too.  But before he committed to it...I thought I should talk about his addictions first because if you can't get a handle on them while going through this process...then it's a waste of time and energy.  

While talking to him I realized just how far I've come on this journey and what I've learned about myself.  More than anything...I feel like I've fought a battle and I've won.  That is becoming more evident when I'm off from the hormone and can make my own choices.  I'm making good ones and some of my old habits are gone....never to return. 

Remember how sad I was about bread?  I don't miss it anymore.  Chocolate and wine will always be my good friends and I think that's okay because I've also learned that I can have smaller quantities.  Apparently, me and vodka have not reached that understanding yet so for now....I will refrain.

And another thing?  It's mostly in my head.  Last round, I wasn't 100% in the game but this time...I'm all in!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Round 3, Day 2

Round 3, Day 2

Starting Weight:          187
Todays Weight:           188.6
LOAD WEIGHT:           1.6 pounds
I started back on the hCG yesterday and I decided to just do one load day.  I took a 9 day break so I didn't think I needed the whole shebang.  I ate my favorite McDonald's Burrito, cheese, cake, one piece of pizza and a caesar salad.

I felt so horrible last night that I could barely sleep.  It was rough! 

I feel so much better when I'm not eating carbs.....

The plan:

My son's 4th birthday is in 38 days.  I'm going to try very hard to make it the entire 38 days or 21 pounds...whichever comes first.  Ideally, I'd like to reach 21 pounds in 21 days but we'll see what happens.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Raisinet Diet

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 8

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:     187
+/-  LIW                   +1 pound

TOM is playing tricks on me.  He shows up and then goes on a little trip somewhere and then pops back in when I have my back turned and my white pants on.  I suspect this is happening because I'm approaching my 40's at a rapid pace and the big M is just around the corner.

If you don't know what I'm talking about....I mean Menopause.  Which means a whole other set of body related issues.

I went to WalMart last night and I was really pleased that I didn't want any of my other usual snacks.  I did buy a bag of Raisinets to get me through the chocolate cravings of the next few days...since I have done research that suggests that Raisinets help you lose weight.

I'm trying to decide when to start my next round.  I have company (my Brother In Law) until Sunday and then my daughter's actual birthday is Tuesday  but we're celebrating on Saturday.  Maybe I'll just start Sunday.  I'm anxious to get this show on the road....and to get super serious and lose this last 20 pounds!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Say Hello to TOM

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 7

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:     188
+/-  LIW                   +2 pounds

TOM just arrived and he says hello.  I'm still amazed every month what hormones do to a woman's body even when she is eating healthy and not eating carbs.  Since food will be on my mind for the next few days I thought I would do this little meme that I've seen floating around the internet.


Frozen Pizza. I grew up eating Totino's Pizza but it looks (and probably tastes) like cardboard. From now on if I'm going to have's gonna be the real kind from my favorite place.

Taco Bell. Another thing that seems gross now....If I'm going to eat it...I want the good stuff.

Soda. I drank some during my last load and it didn't taste good. Dr. Pepper is in my fridge and I haven't wanted it. AMAZING!

French Fries. The fat and calories are just not worth it. I'll make baked fries at home if I need to.

Hostess Fried Cherry Pie. I used to buy these when I went grocery shopping and would scarf it down on my way home...hiding the wrapper in the outside dumpster. These are soooo bad for me. I don't want to eat them anymore.


Salad.  Especially with blue cheese, dried cranberries and pecans.  
Eggs.  LOVE them...they are good for you and I've even gotten used to using egg whites.

Avocado.  I love the creamy taste and the way it tastes with turkey.

Ribeye.  I love my meat!

Cauliflower.  I made cauliflower rice to go with my Curry and it was soooo good!  


Cucumbers.  I've never really liked these and I ate way too many of them in my first round.

Iceberg Lettuce.  What is the point of this?

Anything Sour.  I've got a sweet tooth baby!

Hot Dogs.  I've never loved them.  Sometimes they sound good...but they aren't.
Pears.  I've never liked them.





Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Hangovers Are For Losers

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 6

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:     185.6
+/-  LIW                   -.4 pounds

You may have noticed that I didn't post yesterday.  That's because I was recovering from The Martini Diet and couldn't get off the couch.  I also lost 2.8 pounds.  I really don't recommend this diet (Martini...Not hCG) because your house turns into a pig sty because you can't function.

In my defense...I think part of my problem was that my martini's were blue like the aliens on Avatar.

Have a great day!  I'm off to write a new diet plan that involves Martini's and Raisinets!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

No More Beer for Me

Round 2, Phase 3...Day4

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:    188.4
+/-                         +2.4 pounds

CRAP!  I'm over the 2 pound mark.  I hope I enjoyed the beer I had yesterday because it's the last one I'm ever having. I drank another beer with my dinner last night....they are gone now...I think I'll stick with Vodka and Wine.

When you gain more than 2 pounds from your Last Injection are supposed to do a steak day, where you eat steak and drink water all day.  But I read about an alternative...Egg & Cheese Day.  Good think I love both of those things!

We're going to the Oscar party tonight and I'm really excited!  I'm going to be a good girl....

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Pizza, Wings and Beer...OH MY!

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 3

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:    187.4
GAIN:                     1.4 pounds

I ate a half a piece of pizza last night....and some wings....and 1.5 Coors Lights.  I had this really nice NO CARB meal planned and then I got a phone call that my Aunt and Uncle that I haven't seen in 4 years were coming through town and my husband told me to just order PIZZA and he brought home beers because my Uncle likes beer and I was going to eat salad from the fridge but I drank a beer and the rest is 1.4 pounds.

AND...they didn't stay for dinner.  The Pizza was not even necessary.  *Connie bangs her head against a wall*

Today is a new day and we're going to the movies (Alvin and the Chipmunks) but I'm prepared to bring my almonds.  The Movies aren't a problem for me I found out that Raisinets help you lose weight.

Have a great weekend!

EDITED:  This is the pizza I had!  So excited to find it on this list of the 20 Best Restaurant Foods in America!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Eating Out...Not Hard

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 2

Last Injection Weight (LIW): 186
Today's Weight:                     186

I went out to dinner last night with some friends and I now have a new favorite restaurant that serves HEALTHY FOOD!  I would now like to profess my love to....


They have something called The Garden Fare Option and their website breaks down the choices by Low Fat, Carbs, Gluten Free and No Sugar Added. Based on this information....I chose:

It was so delicious and filling! The perfect thing for me to order on my No Carb Diet.

**Disclaimer**  I was not paid by The Olive Garden for this post.  I truly just loved my meal and wanted to share it with all of my friends.  However, if The Olive Garden wanted to treat me to another meal...I'd totally say YES!  **

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Goodbye 8 more pounds

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 1

Last Injection Weight (LIW): 186
Today's Weight:                     186

Round 2 Overview
Week One Released:     2.6 lbs (+3.4 load weight) 6 lbs total
Week Two Released:    3.6 lbs
Week Three Released:  1.8 lbs
Total Released:             8 pounds

Not too bad considering I didn't try very hard with this round and I cheated quite a bit.  Kind of kicking myself for that but I find it nearly impossible to keep away from the treats that my sister keeps bringing into the house.  I can't seem to get through to her that she needs to keep that stuff out of my sight.  Where is my willpower?  Maybe I'll find it in my next round.....

 This break is going to last 10 days....right up to my daughter's 3rd Birthday Party.  My husband wanted to me extend it to St. Patrick's Day so that I could go out with him and his work friends for a drink but I can't get a babysitter so that won't work.

I was reading yesterday that people that inject the hCG shouldn't cycle.  Not sure why and I don't want to take any chances that my hCG will lose it's potency so I'm going to go for it.  Plus...I'm 23 pounds from my goal!!

Maybe that can be my inspiration for the next round....

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

About Face

Round 2, Day 18....3 Days Remaining

Starting Weight:          194 (+3.4 load weight)
Today's Weight:          186
Yesterday's Weight:   186.6
Released:                      .6 pounds

Week One Released:     2.6 lbs (+3.4 load weight) 6 lbs total
Week Two Released:     3.6 lbs
Week Three Released:  1.8 lbs

My last injection for this short round was I follow the VLCD for two more days and then Thursday I can eat more....I miss my eggs and cheese.  I'm going to a birthday party Thursday night so I altered my ending date slightly.  All of a sudden, I'm very popular! 

Check out these pictures!  
December 25 ~ 211 pounds

February 28th ~ 187 pounds

Monday, March 1, 2010

Happy Dance

Round 2, Day 17....4 Days Remaining

Starting Weight:            194 (+3.4 load weight)
Today's Weight
:            186.6

Yesterday's Weight:     187.6
Released:                        1 pound

Week One Released:    2.6 lbs (+3.4 load weight) 6 pounds total
Week Two Released:    3.6 lbs
Week Three Released: 1.2 lbs

I ate Raisinettes. BUT I lost an entire pound!! *Connie does the happy dance* Avatar was wonderful! Exciting and sad and happy and I was starving and went to the concession stand half way through and bought a box.

I had such a great weekend...seeing movies, shopping at Target for Birthday presents for my daughter and I had coffee with my blogging friend Jen and she was everything I hoped she'd be. I've been thinking about it....and I'm gonna be sad if we do leave Utah because I've made some wonderful friends here.

Have a great Monday everyone!