I've decided that I shouldn't blog during the week that TOM* is visiting. If fact, I should really be allowed to move into my own apartment for that week because I really believe that PMS is a mental illness and I'm afflicted with it.
So...TOM was here last week and he brought a couple pounds with him that don't want to leave. WHY do I have to deal with this every month? I'm so tired of it.
Speaking of tired....I'm really tired of comments from my husband.
Sunday night...he was making me dinner for Valentine's Day (salmon with red onion and mushrooms) and I was sitting at the table enjoying a glass of wine and looking at my stats on this blog.
I told him that I love reading some of the things people google to get here and that most of them include Fat Mommy and hCG related searches.
He asked me if this blog is a joke. Since I'm obviously not losing any weight.
My feelings were hurt. Badly.
I joked it off like I always do...that's how I handle people that are supposed to love me making comments about my weight. Oh and I normally eat a box of cookies.
I didn't have any cookies.....
Last night...we were laying in bed talking about the kids and I mentioned how my 3 year old Mallory is always hungry. She's very thin and appears to have a very high metabolism. I think she burns her food really fast...so I'm constantly feeding her!
My husband told me that he thinks she's trying to get fat so that she looks like me.
He might has well have stabbed me in the heart. In fact, I swore to God I was bleeding somewhere...turned out to be tears.
My heart hurts so badly this morning. I can't imagine that this is why she's hungry all the time.
Or is it my husband's passive aggressive way of telling me that he doesn't want a fat wife anymore.
If he's trying to motivate me to lose weight...this doesn't help. It makes me what to eat cookies.
This is what I grew up with.
This is where this all started.
I am speechless.
ReplyDeleteMy eyes started to well up for you as I was reading this. This seems so out of character for your husband. Really. I am speechless.
Your M & my M are very skinny little girls. But, they are healthy and happy - and that's all that matters, right? I know that I am motivated by my own fear that I am seen as the fat mommy with a little girl that is border line FTT :(
*sigh*
Speechless. And, so very, very sorry he hurt your feelings like this.
First of all, HUGS to you. How he handled his comments were NOT right. Men are direct but he's old enough to know women need a softer approach.
ReplyDeleteYou need to lose weight for you, not him.
You need to lose weight so you aren't the fat mom at school this fall (with as much as I've lost, I'm still the only fat mom and it sucks).
You need to do it for your health and to set a good example for your kids.
iKeith needs to be supportive and work on losing weight too like you did jointly back in Utah.
Mallory is liking eating because she is a growing girl. She may also have Celiac's and need to be gluten free so she can absorb her food better.
At the end of the day, it is your body and your choice.
I know you can do it.
What they said, so sorry your feelings were hurt. And I don't know your hubby so I can't comment on that. However, I do have to say, you never mentioned if you said anything about these comments or if you kept it all in, (bleeding somewhere) an not letting him see. The reason we EAT away our emotions is because we are too scared to actually let them out. I told my hubby that I needed his help staying on track. His way of interpreting this was to flick at my tummy when I was cooking or getting dress, or point out that my butt didn't fit into the panties I put on...I was so mad. when I said something he said well...you told me to keep you on track...soooooo we sat down and had a talk. I explained that pointing out my FLAWS was NOT how to keep me on Track. Encouragement when I stayed away from carbs and candy was. or pointing out that we should not have Butter on the rice...these are helpfull, insulting me is NOT. MEN don't get it...they don't understand emotional eating. YOU have to explain it to them.
ReplyDeleteI hope you stay on track too. And that you get the chance to TALK out your feelings with hubby.
((HUGS)) Connie.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think M is just growing so that is why she is eating. My son eats and eats and eats and has no fat on him. He is skin and bones. Just make sure she eats healthy so when she is our age, eating healthy will be a habit.
Second, I want to smack your husband. You NEED to tell him how his comments hurt you and do not motivate you at all. He needs to support you. Do not keep your feelings in speak with him--for you. You do not deserve to spoken to that way.
You need to tell him how those comments make you feel - if you haven't already. Completely inappropriate and unsupportive. Seems like he is trying to sabotage your efforts!
ReplyDeleteDang! I'm sorry your husband has said insensitive things. I agree with everyone else about explaining to him that his insensitivity is part of the problem, not the solution. Also, when I was losing/lost weight, my husband came clean to me stating my weightloss left him feeling insecure. As harsh as it sounds, he was more comfortable with me being fat cuz he knew no one would have me and I wasn't going anywhere. Turns out when I'm thinner, I'm pretty cute and I still have a great personality to boot. Maybe there's some sabotaging going on because of insecurity......
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))) honey, I'm so sorry your husband said such a block head thing.
ReplyDeleteYour little girl is growing and as long as she has plenty of opportunity to be active and she is being offered healthy, fresh foods she will be fine.
As for your husband, did you smack him? I would have. I don't know him and I don't know if this is/was a one time thing or if little comments like this sneak in often (I've been reading your blog for a while now and I'd bet money that it's the latter), it's abuse. Plain and simple. Verbal and emotional abuse. And it's NOT OK.
If I had to guess I would say that he is threatened by the idea of you taking charge of your health. Based on pictures I've seen, he is not the picture of health himself and he knows that if you take your health into your own hands and turn yourself around that he will be left all alone.
I'm so angry at him right now for you. I'm not going to post anymore out of fear that I might say something really nasty. (((HUGS)))
Oh, and at 3 years old, your daughter is NOT eating to try to look like you. At her age, she is not developed enough to make the connection between food & weight. Kids eat what they think tastes good and they eat until they are full. Then they eat again when they are hungry. Period. It's only when adults withold certain foods or expose them to overly junky foods that they start to run into trouble.
ReplyDeleteNo 3 year old is fat on purpose.
I want to thank all of you that commented today.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is not a joke....this is why I blog here. Because it's like therapy to let my feelings out and get feedback from my friends.
I've struggled with people commenting on my weight my entire life. My Dad threatened to divorce my Mom if she didn't lose weight. I learned that Love is conditional.
I grew up with this and Keith knows it. But he still makes comments. I've told him before that it hurts my feelings.
I really don't know his reasons for saying these things. I wish I did.
He said it because he thought it would be funny. Men are stupid. Period. Do not give that one more minute of thought. Kids eat because they are hungry and that is the only reason. The learned behavior of eating for other reasons comes later in life.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing you mentioned about him asking if the blog were a joke. That is the exact reason I haven't said not one word to David about Jodi helping me. I know that he has no confidence in me when it comes to losing weight because I've failed so many times. Now he jokes about it or rolls his life and that is just something I don't need. So I don't talk to him about it. I talk to her or I blog about it or I go to Twitter or email a friend. He has seen me weighing and measuring my food this week, but hasn't asked me one word about it and I'm not planning on saying anything to him either.
Oh Connie --
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I am sure he meant it as a joke, but guys can be so thoughtless sometimes.
If it makes you feel any better, Ella eats all the time too. We were having dinner one night and she ate 15 meatballs. We all couldn't believe it. I think kids go through growth spurts and they need to eat so they can grow.
You are wonderful. You are smart. You are a kind person. You are funny. Don't lose sight of all of your wonderful qualities.
xoxoxoxoox
Jen
I just saw this post ... Connie, wow. Honestly, his comments suck BIG TIME. I'm sure you know that children under the age of 5 only eat when they are hungry. Over the age of 5, children do have the ability to overeat but under 5, if your kid says they are hungry, feed them!! My kids are now 6 and 7 so there are times close to dinner where I make them wait ... they aren't going to starve in an hour ... but really, you shouldn't be worried about M at all. (I doubt you are!) She is only eating b/c she is hungry!!
ReplyDeleteAs for Keith's comments, he was totally wrong to say them. But you can choose how to respond. You can hurt your body by filling it with a box of cookies or love your body by moving it! You can choose to let his comments derail your progress or push them aside and keep on moving. My hubby made a comment to me about my weight several years ago that still stings like crazy. But it's HIS problem, not mine. I can't let his criticism define who I am. It's a daily battle since my hubby is incredibly unsupportive/almost cruel about what type of housekeeper I am but I have to remind myself that I am worthy of being loved, I am LOVED, and I won't let his pettiness bring me down (well, honestly, of course, it brings me down initially but I won't allow myself to stay in that place!!). Focus on doing what you know is right for your body. The rest - including what Keith thinks about - has to be static that is in the background ... not constantly in your head.
Hugs girl ... really wish we lived near each other!!!
In my childhood, my parents would say things like "you would be so much happier if you would just lose 10 pounds." I kept telling them I would be happier if they wouldn't say anything about my weight - ever!! That sort of conditional aspect to love is hard to get over. It's made me determined to never mention anything about weight to my kids. Lily, who loved to run, run, run, now complains she doesn't like gym b/c she hates sweating. Even stopped enjoying cheerleading b/c she doesn't like to sweat (she's still cheerleading though). I am really working on that with her. Just this morning I told Lily how important it is to sweat ... that I sweat when I work-out ... and that proves how hard I am working my body. Which means I'm being good to my body and taking care of it. I'm so happy I joined this "Couch to 5K" program. I'm going to make sure Lily is at that finish line to see me cross it SWEATING and all!!! They need to see us push ourselves. I have always HATED running and I still don't enjoy it but I feel an amazing sense of accomplishment by getting this far in the program. Do you have any friends that you could do something like that with? My neighbors and I are keeping each other accountable ... we are all pushing ourselves harder b/c of we have each other there.
wow. My worst battle is what I tell myself. My father is notorious for commenting about how I look. I'm sorry Connie.
ReplyDeleteBtw, my oldest eats day and night and is thin. I wouldn't worry about it. I worry more when they don't want to eat.
My heart goes out to you, honey! I grew up with a Dad who called me fat constantly. I was heavy; my mom was thin & beautiful. It would have screwed me up for the rest of my adult life had I allowed it to. But alas, I am stronger than his BS and insecurity. We do have a good relationship now, but he still asks how much I weigh on a regular basis. My reply is always "Mom says you wear sweatpants because your jeans don't fit, huh?"-or something of that nature. :)
ReplyDeleteYour husband said incredibly insensitive things. I'm so sorry for that.... I'm sending you love, hugs, and harmony!
Sarah
TheWeatheredWord.blogspot.com
My husband says insensitive things all of the time trying to funny.For some reason he does not pick up on people's nonverbal cues. So when he says something, we get a roomful of stares and he is clueless as to why. First of all your weight is YOUR business, not his. Make that very clear to him. Some men try to control women by using their weight as a tool. Saying insensitive things is a mild form of this controlling behavior.
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