WFG Workshop Week 2:About God

Week 2 of Geneen Roth's 15 week workshop on Oprah's website. I'm trying to catch up since they seem to be a little ahead of me. If you want to follow along...go here to find the list of workbooks. If you are doing this too...and blogging about it, I'd love to read your answers.

1. On page 22, author Geneen Roth writes that she turned to Hostess Sno Balls the same year she gave up on God. Do you turn to food for comfort, sweetness and the feeling that you matter?

My Sno Balls were butter cookies....but now they are M and M candies.  Or a pan of brownies. I think I've always associated food with comfort.  I recently remembered that when I was a kid my Dad would stop to buy a newspaper on the way home from work everyday and he'd bring me a candy bar. Every. Single Day.  I know he was trying to show that he loved me or was thinking about me....but I still associate feelings of being loved with sweets. 

2. What does going on a diet mean to you? Does it give you a feeling of taking control and doing something for yourself? If you have been on many diets, do you honestly believe this one is different, or do you diet because you are discouraged and don't know what else to do?

Going on a diet means depriving myself and controlling everything that goes into my mouth. I'm excellent at keeping track of my calories and I've been on so many diets that I've lost count.  hCG Diet was different for me because it actually worked!   Plus, I grew up watching my Mom diet and her weight fluctuate up and down. 

3. On page 23, Geneen describes dieting like praying and that "making the decision to stop dieting was like committing heresy, like breaking a vow that was never supposed to be broken." Are you ready to stop dieting? What feelings does thinking about this bring up for you?


I'm pretty sure that I've been dieting so long that I can't quit.  The idea of not being on a diet makes me feel uneasy.


4. From page 25: Geneen writes: "I don't believe in the God that most people call God, but I do know that the only definition of God that makes sense is one that uses this human life and its suffering—the very things we believe we need to hide or fix—as a path to the heart of love itself. Which is why the relationship with food is so important." What do you believe about God, love and your life?

I believe that God loves me no matter what size I am.  But I believe that I must be thin for other's to love me...including myself.   



5. Do you believe you deserve kindness and beauty? If other people deserve it—if your children deserve it—why not you? Why is it so hard to treat yourself lovingly?

I have just recently realized that by eating food that is fattening or not healhty is treating myself badly. I used to think that I was *treating* myself and I deserved what I was eating.  Now I know that giving these things to myself...and my children isn't doing anyone any favors.



6. In Women, Food and God, Geneen says your relationship to food is a doorway to your true nature, your deepest self. Do you believe you have a true nature and a higher self? Are you willing to use your relationship with food as the doorway to that?

I think that as I approach my 40th birthday...I'm am as true to my nature as I'm going to get. I like myself so much more now than I did 10 years ago. If there is more to me...I'd love to find out.

WFG Workshop: Week 1

Week one of the Women, Food and God Workshop contains questions relating to the Prologue (and apparently...I'm behind because the questions for chapter two have been released already). You can find them here. 

1. The prologue begins with "80 hungry women" sitting in a circle together, waiting to eat and pay attention to how they use food. If you were one of those women being asked to be silent and pay attention to themselves, their hunger and their many feelings about food, how do you think you would feel?

I am a very visual person.  If I see a KFC or ARBY'S commercial on TV...I want to get some.  Immediately.  I think I would have become somewhat agitated and felt irritated with Geneen like some of the women were.


2. From page 2: "Our relationship to food is an exact microcosm of our relationship to life itself. You are a walking and talking expressions of your deepest convictions; everything you believe about love, fear, transformation and God is revealed in how, when and what you eat."

What are your deepest convictions, and how do you think they show up on your plate every day?

If I am completely honest with myself...I believe that I am only lovable if I'm thin,  men cheat and leave and people don't really change.  This is what I've learned from my childhood and first 12 years of my adult life.  The thing is...I found an amazing man and I know that these things are not true anymore but I still act like they are.  There were many years that I ate my feelings but I'm in a good relationship now and I don't have to do that anymore.


3. On page 5, Laurie says that things are hard, but at least she has food. Do you relate to her? Do you use food when things get hard? If so, does using food make things easier?

Before I met my current husband I was married to people that made me feel terrible about myself.  Our life together was extremely hard, lonely and I spent a lot of time filling the hole in my heart with food.  Sadly, I'd feel better for a short amount of time and then I would still have the feelings to deal with.  I also started to medicate with alcohol and made stupid decisions.  I still find myself turning to food when life gets hard but I'm getting better about it.  Wine is still a good friend....


4. On page 13, author Geneen Roth writes about her many diets and her weight history. Take a moment to consider your own food and weight history. What has it been like? Did the ups and downs of it correspond with particular events in your life? As you begin to read Women, Food and God, notice the feelings you have about what has and hasn't happened in your relationship with food. As you enter a brand new process and start a new journey, do you feel discouraged? Hopeless? Excited? Does a part of you believe that nothing will work? It's good to name those feelings so that you don't sabotage yourself with them.

1987...first serious relation with a boy.  Weight Gain of 20 pounds.
1990...first marriage. Husband had alcohol and anger issues.  Weight Gain of 20 more pounds. 
1994...divorced and lost 30 pounds...finally taking care of myself.
1995...married an alcoholic.  Gained 60 pounds over 5 years.
2000...escaped with my life and 20 boxes of belongings. Divorce.
2001...single, lost 50 pounds and really worked on myself. 
2003...found the love of my life, bought a house, planned a wedding.
2004...married, trying to get pregnant, lost baby, gained 20 pounds.
2006...gave birth to baby boy, happy
2007...gave birth to baby girl, happy
2008...life with 2 under 2 is hard...gained 20 pounds
2010...lots of stress, hcg diet, lost almost 30 pounds, struggling to keep off.

I am a stress eater, especially when I'm having problems in my relationships.  I also eat for just about any feeling...sad, lonely, bored, mad...and I eat when I'm happy to celebrate! I think if I could get the stress and bored eating under control I'd be on my way to stopping my compulsive eating. 

5. From page 16: "Not sure what you really believe? Pay attention to the way you act—and to what you do when things don't go the way you think they should. Just for today, pay attention to what you value. Reflect on how you spend your time and your money. Pay attention to what you eat." What do you do when things don't go the way you want them to go? What do you really believe about your place here on earth? Do you think your life has meaning? Do you believe you are doomed to fail or that you are worthy no matter what you weigh?

When things don't go my way...my first instinct is to eat cookies. This started in high school when I started dating boys and I would hide boxes of butter cookies in my closet.  This is when I started to gain weight. I feed anxiety.  And I do feel better...for a little while. 


I do feel that I have an important place on earth but I've also struggled with my weight for so long that I thought I was meant to be a heavy person. I don't want to pass this on to my children.  A couple weeks ago when we went to Denver, my daughter told us that she wanted a big belly like Daddy, her Uncles and Grandpa!  That's what she saw....and she wanted to be like them!

6. How has food served as a source of punishment and/or shame in your life? What do you think it would take for you to really change your relationship with food?

I suppose one could say that I punish myself with food.  When have been single and taking care of myself and paying attention to my emotions...I don't medicate with food. I think for me to change my relationship with food I'm going to have to find other ways to deal with emotions and let go of things that happened in my past that started the ball rolling. 

Women, Food and God: 15 Week Program

It all boils down to one thing. Your relationship to the Source. The relationship to that which we call God or don't even know is God is all that really matters. The thing is, when you surrender, and stop resisting, and stop trying to change that which you cannot change but be in the moment, be fully open to the blessings that you have already received, and those that are yet to come to you, and stand in that space of gratitude and honor, and claim THAT for yourself, and look at where you are, and how far you've come and what you've accomplished, when you can claim THAT, and see that, the literal vibration of your life will change.  

~Oprah~

Did you watch Oprah a few days ago when Geneen Roth was on?  I'm going to rewatch it because I think there was a lot of good information there and I want to make sure I caught it all.

I was thrilled to see that they are offering a 15 week study guide to go with the book so I'm going to post my answers to some of the quetions each week and see if I can't get back on track with my eating and weight loss.

I encourage you to join me!

Week 1...Prologue

Week 2...About God

Following Your Dreams

By some miracle...I'm down to 194.8 pounds.  I'm still 5 pounds more than when I went on vacation last month to San Francisco but I'm hoping to be back to 184 by my birthday (September 11th).

That's the plan anyway.

There was some discussion the last few days that we might NOT take the new job in Denver because the prospects at iKeith's old job are looking up and if he stuck it out he could end up a manager making lots and lots of money.

We went to our favorite bar last night to hash things out.  We talked about following dreams and taking risk.  I've always been a risk taker and iKeith has always been a play it safe and don't rock the boat kind of person.

I told him that I would sacrifice anything to follow his dream.  I told him to pick the job he'd rather be doing and we'd make the rest of it work out. I told him that I needed him to live for another 35-40 years and that this job he has now is going to send him to an early grave.

And then I told him what my friend Barbi told me....that this would be a good change for us.  We don't NEED to eat McDonald's and go out to eat so much.  We don't NEED to drink so much wine, eating only when you're really hungry is cheaper and walking/hiking and parks are FREE!

This is an opportunity for us to change our lives for the better and for him to pursue his dream.  How can that be the wrong choice?

And so...after 3 beers, 2 shots of tequila and a taco....we decided to take the job.  And then we needed a ride home.


In other news...watch Oprah tomorrow if you are interested in the book I read and reviewed last month called Women, Food and God.  They are having the follow-up episode and will be discussing the book with women who have read it and are applying the principles.

Why I Can't Sleep

It's been 10 days since my last confession....

Am I the only weight loss blogger that feels like their blog is a confessional? 

It's 3am and I can't sleep...so much going on and so much to do.  I should have taken a sleeping pill but by the time I thought about it...it was Midnight. Oh well...I see lots of coffee in my future.

Let's see...since my last confession post, I've gone on a whirlwind trip to Denver over the 4th of July, where I ate and drank too much and gained a couple pounds.  1.5 of those have disappeared since being home but I've been doing a little bit of stress eating because....

My husband got a job offer in Denver yesterday and we have 23 days to move.

Now you know why I can't sleep.

I'm stressing out. Not just because of the huge amount of work I have ahead of me but because we were figuring out our finances last night and it's going to be tight....as in no dinners out, no coffee at Starbucks and no WINE!

Now you know why I can't sleep.

On Tuesday I was all set to post about how very close my weight keeps creeping up to the 200 mark and that I'm disgusted with myself for letting this happen.

It's time for me to get serious and make sure this DOES NOT HAPPEN.  Plus, I NEED to lose this weight I've gained because some of my new clothes aren't fitting anymore and I DO NOT have money for new ones.

So there you have it.

Why can't I be one of those people who loses weight when they are stressed out?

Book Review: Women Food and God

Several weeks ago, I saw an episode of Oprah and the description for the show said that she would never diet again. My first thought was oh sweet Jesus! Oprah's gone rogue,  is ready to embrace her fatness and throw all caution to the wind! Somebody call Bob Greene ASAP!

Her guest was Geneen Roth and she has a new book called Women, Food and God. I immediately tried to download the book to my iPad because if Oprah found the answer to weight loss then you know this shit is good! Note: the book is not available on iBook or Kindle.

I bought the book and it's taken me a few weeks to get through it...mainly because every time I'd start reading it...I'd want a snack. Reading about compulsive eating makes me hungry. It just does.

Finally, yesterday I committed to finishing the book and really understanding what I was supposed to get from it. I had several A-HA moments as I like to call them. The biggest one was this.

I eat when I'm not hungry because I am trying to numb my feelings.

Geneen dismisses the idea that there is an inner child in some of us that have experienced a trama as children and instead says that there are frozen places in ourselves...pockets of pain that need to be recognized and welcomed.  I honestly believe that there are certain things that my brain won't allow me to feel anymore and it all started when I was 7 years old.  The Voice tells me that I need to eat.....the stress is too much and the pop tart/cookies/candy bar/ice cream will make everything better.


A-HA moment number two....Restrictors and Permitters.  When I'm trying to lose weight, I'm a classic Restrictor...I believe in control and operate on the idea that chaos is imminent and steps must be taken to lessen the impact. (i'm actually like this in every aspect of my life) Restrictor's can never really relax since they are fighting to stave off the inevitable.  And if it's not hard...it's not worth doing.


I know people that are Permitters...they hate rules and being on a eating program equals misery for them.  They prefer going through life in a daze with the idea that if they aren't aware of it then it doesn't exist.  They don't want to try...because if they don't try, they can't fail.


The problem here is that when you live with a Permitter...they turn you into one.  Being around them gives you permission to binge and bury your head in the sand.


After reading this book, my goal is to quiet The Voice and try to understand why I'm eating when I'm not hungry and what I am trying to numb myself from.  What emotion or feeling am I trying to escape from. It's not about the food....

The Eating Guidelines

1. Eat when you are hungry.
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment.
3. Eat without distractions...radio, TV, iPad, iPhone, book or magazine.
4. Eat what your body wants.
5. Eat until you are satisfied.
6. Eat in full view of others.
7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

I have many bad habits....eating while reading, eating at my computer, hiding and sneaking food and eating too much sugar because that's my drug of choice.


I have lots of work to do and I'll be documenting it here.

I just took the Restictor/Permitter Quiz on Oprah.com and here are my results.

Out of a possible score of your 10, your score is:
Your Restrictor score is 7.
Your Permitter score is 3.
Your Healthy Awareness score is 0.

What does it mean to be a Restrictor?
You believe in the need to control—yourself, what you eat and your environment. Things could turn bad at any moment, so you're going to take action now to minimize the impact. If you had your way, you'd probably run the world a little bit better too. Dieting is comforting because it provides a sense of control. You like to think less is more. If you reveal less of yourself, there is less of you to get hurt. You know how many calories are in an Oreo cookie. You follow the advice of the latest research and take immediate steps to modify your diet once you are told what to do. You love to follow the rules. You may even feel like your life depends on it. You work hard. So hard that you secretly believe if it's not hard, it's probably not worth doing.

What does it means to be a Permitter?
You are the life of the party. Or at least, people think you are. You think rules are meant to be broken. Dieting for you is miserable and not worth it because you always gain the weight back again. You are suspicious of programs and the latest eating guidelines and research—maybe even this quiz. You find yourself grazing at the refrigerator again and have no idea how you got there. You don't want to your feel pain, or anyone else's for that matter. You would prefer to walk through life unconsciously because then you won't be disappointed if you fail. You don't see the point in taking control, so you've decided to join the party and hope for a good time.

What does the Healthy Awareness score mean?
You incorporate healthy eating habits into your daily routine. You understand the connection between your emotions and your food choices. You listen to your body's cues for when you are hungry and when you are not. You make your decisions consciously based on those cues. While you may not make healthy choices all the time, you are aware when you are falling into a pattern of behavior because you feel it in your body and you make changes to get back on track. You understand that the goal isn't perfection—it's the journey to knowing yourself that really matters.

A few words about labeling yourself
While this quiz is a fun and helpful way to begin the process of identifying your eating tendencies and behaviors, it's important to note that everyone is both a Permitter and a Restrictor. The minute a Restrictor binges, she turns into a Permitter. Every time a Permitter decides to go on a diet, she becomes a Restrictor. While assigning labels to complex human behaviors is convenient, it can become an easy way to distance yourself from thoroughly understanding your pattern of behavior. The purpose of this quiz is to help you understand your relationship with food a little better than you did before. But, if you find yourself feeling confused, rationalizing and justifying what you eat, or forcing your behavior into one label or another, then forget you ever heard these words.



This quiz revealed to me that when I'm in the company of other people...I become a Permitter!  Ironically...all the times in my life that I've been single, I lose weight and become excellent at following a strict diet and exercising.  When I'm in a relationship...I gain weight and eat to numb my feelings.


AHA MOMENT: I suck at relationships and I struggle with feelings of being loved, protected and  appreciated.  If my Mom doesn't love me...why would anyone else?  Men can't be trusted because they cheat and leave.  I live my life in fear. 



Goal for this week:

• Listen to and be kind to my body.  
• Write in my journal about the feelings I'm escaping from and why I struggle with my relationships. 
• Start recognizing signs of hunger and only eating when I feel them.  
• Stop eating in front of the TV/Computer and no iPad at the kitchen table.
  

Operation Vacation Weight

Pre-Vacation Weight: 189.8
1st Day Back Weight: 194.8
Today's Weight: 193
Weight Lost: 1.8

I think that must be the water weight....although, I'm still having trouble getting back on my schedule.

All of the junk food is mostly gone from the house now excpet for a giant bag of snack sized chips. And I found a piece of raspberry fudge in the fridge. You should be proud of me...I didn't eat the whole piece. Just took a few little bites.

My sister has moved back in (yes, she moved out for two months) and she brought her pop tarts and Dr. Pepper (and her dogs) with her. Her stay is supposed to be short so I'm hoping that her habits and food won't rub off on me.

She recently had LIPO so I'm hoping she wants to start eating better. We'll see.

I'm trying very hard to control my stress eating. While on vacation NASA (through Obama) pulled an underhanded stunt which will likely result in my husband being laid off this week. If by some miracle they decide to hold on...we have until September.

I knew the job would be coming to an end by September but the prospect of losing our income this week has left us scrambling.

As of yesterday...we decided to start the decluttering and packing to move project. So far, this is keeping me too busy to spend much time in the pantry.

5 Pounds

Pre-Vacation Weight: 189.8
Today's Weight: 194.8

Wow...5 pounds!

I'm going to weigh my kids this morning because I'm pretty sure that they gained weight too. I stocked the house with fruit, veggies and their favorite white meat chicken nuggets.

I came home to moldy, rotten fruit and a pantry full of cookies, candy, zinger and cupcakes.

They also ate fast food every single day. I have pictures (that were texted to me) of them in ever burger joint in the city.

Gee...I wonder why I'm was fat?

Last night we took my family out for a Thank You Dinner and my daughter had the choice of fries or fruit. I was really proud of her when she picked the fruit! When it arrived she looked at her plate and said. Fruit...I missed you!

So...today we take the enablers grandparents back to the airport and start eating healthy again.

Vacation is Over

I got back from my week in San Francisco last night. I didn't post all week because I did not watch what I ate or drank and I was embarrassed to admit what I was doing.

I gained 4 pounds....

The good news is that I walked a lot and many times I only ate half of something I'd ordered.

Tomorrow....we get back to business!

Log: June 5...Vacation Prep

1st Day's Weight.........190.6
Yesterday's Weight.....190.4
Today's Weight...........189.8
LOST: .6 pound

Holy Moly! This has got to be a record for me. Instead of gaining during TOM...I've actually LOST!

I haven't had any chocolate or wine (until last night) and I did have some carbs (cereal) but I didn't over indulge like I normally do. This feels like a breakthrough!

So...yesterday I told you that my Aunt was coming to visit right?  Well, I decided to make spaghetti and meatballs and that I would eat the meatballs and a salad.  Not long after she arrived when we were sitting having a chat...she told me about this diet that she's on where she takes these drops.

The hCG Diet!! 

I guess she didn't know that I'm the QUEEN of the hCG diet!  So it turned out well...we both ate the same thing but she CHEATED and ate a piece of garlic bread. I kind of cheated too because she brought me a bottle of wine from Santa Fe and I really wanted some.  It was great!

We leave for San Fran tomorrow and I'm nervous about gaining weight while we're gone.  I know I'm going to eat....many wonderful things and I'm hoping all of the walking will even that out.

I think I'm going to try to keep up the food journaling so that I can try to stay somewhat accountable for what I'm eating.  Does that sound good?  Don't hate me if I eat something really delicious okay?

Oh...and I did think ahead and I'm bring almonds and granola bars for snacks so that don't overeat.

Breakfast:
eggs with goat cheese ( i love goat cheese)
Coffee with half and half

Lunch:
M&M's (bad grocery store habit)

Snack:

Dinner:

Water:
16 oz
Exercise:
Cleaning, packing, stressing out!

Dieter's Log: June 4

Yesterday's Weight.....191
Today's Weight.........190.4
LOST: .6 pound

Take That TOM!

I don't know if it's menopause sneaking up on me or what but the last 6 months...TOM casually shows up without much fanfare and then on the third day of his visit...BAM! Bloat, cramps, cravings and moodiness.

My Aunt Flo Faith arrives tonight and I can't figure out what to make for dinner. I want to make something easy like Spaghetti but that requires carbs and I'm trying really hard to avoid them. Maybe I'll just eat a salad....




This is my friend Jessica Bern....not the REAL Aunt Flo.


Breakfast:
2 egg scramble w/Goat Cheese
Coffee with half and half

Lunch:
Boneless Chicken Wings from Wendy's
Iced Tea

Snack:
NONE

Dinner:
2 Meatballs
Salad with Gorgonzola, mushrooms and tomatoes

Water:
32 oz

Exercise:
None

Dieter's Log: June 3

Yesterday's Weight....190
Today's Weight........191
GAINED: One Pound

Whatever TOM!

Did you watch Jillian Michael's new show Losing It? This family was a tough one for me to watch because their story was so similar to my husband's family story. They also lost a little boy and have never dealt with his death or put a headstone on his grave. In fact, they haven't been to his grave in 30 years. It's as if he never existed....makes me so sad.

I think my little experiment is going well...if I only gain a pound with TOM this week I will be THRILLED! The good news is that I don't feel super bloated and I think it's because of all the water I'm drinking. I'm going to step it up today.

2 more days til I leave for Vacation!!

Breakfast:
2 egg scramble w/Mushrooms & Goat Cheese
Coffee with half & half

Lunch:
Turkey/Provolone Lettuce Wraps

Snack:
Granola Bar...I couldn't help myself!

Dinner:
Chicken
Broccoli
Water:
32 oz

Exercise: More Cleaning....

Dieter's Log: June 2

Yesterday's Weight..191
Today's Weight........190
LOST: One Pound

Wow...I didn't see that coming.

Last night I had my husband scared that I might be pregnant because TOM hadn't arrived yet. I love how freaked out he gets by that...just cracks me up!

TOM has arrived now so all is well and my husband's blood pressure can go back to normal.

I tried to redeem my cookie eating yesterday by eating a salad for dinner. Either it worked or Thin Mints are a dieting mystery and have zero calories in them.

Breakfast:

2 egg scramble with mushrooms, pearl onions & goat cheese
Coffee with half & half

Lunch:
3 pieces leaf lettuce
5 Pieces of turkey lunchmeat
1 Piece provolone cheese
1/4 avocado






Snack:
14 Almonds
Dinner:
Romaine Lettuce
3 oz Chicken
Gorgonzola Cheese
Water:
40 oz

Exercise:
Cleaning....20 minutes

Dieter's Log: June 1st...Diet Canceled for the Day

Yesterday's weight: 190.6
Today's weight is....191.

TOM is just starting to show his ugly face so I believe this is the usual weight gain but I'm determined to keep it to a minimum.

I went shopping for clothes yesterday. It was a last minute thing...we stopped into JC Penney to get my husband some underwear and shirts and he asked if I needed anything. Are you kidding me? I think spent an hour trying on clothes and getting his opinion. I learned two things:

1. Never try on clothes when you are about to get a visit from TOM and you have a migraine.
2. My husband (aka Nitnots) and I do NOT have the same taste in clothes.

I ended up buying one outfit that he liked (the entire outfit is some shade of brown) and one shirt that I LOVED! All in all...a very successful trip.

Breakfast:
2 egg omelet with mushrooms & cheese Golden Grahams with milk
Coffee with half and half

Lunch:
6 Thin Mints sent to me by a reader of my blog.

Afternoon Morning Snack:
14 Almonds

Dinner:
Salad with pear and gorgonzola

Water:
 40 oz

Exercise: Cleaning for 90 minutes. Lose It App claims that is 272 calories. I should clean more often.

Dieter's Log: May 31st

Okay...today's weight is 190.6.

I've been fluctuating between 188 and 191 so this is a good starting point.

I made french toast for my family this morning and I ate two pieces...even though I would have been more than happy with one.

I just grabbed my first glass of water...a little later than I'd planned but I'll make up for it.

Breakfast:
2 pieces of French Toast with butter and syrup
2 pieces of bacon
Coffee with half and half

Lunch:
Frozen Yogurt

Dinner:
Beef Kabobs with onion, mushrooms and red pepper

Snack?
Vodka Martini with 3 Blue Cheese Stuffed Olives (for my Bachelorette drinking game)
Water: 64 oz

Exercise: Trying on clothes for an hour with a migraine...does this count as exercise? Sure felt like it....


Nutrient Summary
Fat........................... 51g 45.5%
Protein.....................62g 24.8%
Carbohydrates .......74g 29.7%
Sugars.............. ...... 33g
Fiber.................. ....... 2g
Cholesterol ...............317mg
Sodium............ ........ 1,527mg

I Wore Shorts

I wore shorts outside of the house today.

I think the last time I did this was 2006. Maybe 2005.

I wore shorts outside of the house and they didn't ride up.

This feels like the most amazing feat in the world!!

I've gained a little weight and I leave for a fabulous 6 day vacation to San Francisco in one week. I know I'm going to eat lots of yummy things that I don't normal eat and I'm going to drink alcohol every day.

I've also been really bad about eating low carb. I've been horrible about it actually.

So...this whole week (starting with LUNCH* tomorrow) I'm going to eat low/no carb and try to de-bloat and de-tox in preparation for my vacation and hopefully my clothes will fit a little better by then.

This is going to be quite a feat because TOM should be here tomorrow. I'm going to resist him and the allure of carbs/chocolate/wine and I'm going to guzzle water instead.

Each day I'll be posting my weight and food journal.

Wish me luck!

*LUNCH because I'm making french toast for my family for Memorial Day Breakfast.

My Thoughts on hCG Diet

ABC4 in Utah did a story about the hCG diet a few nights ago. They showed people that have had great success...better success than me in fact and they were raving about the diet and the clinic that they went to.

Then they had this nutritionist from the University of Utah that said that this diet starves the weight off and that is very dangerous.

I can tell you from my experience BEING pregnant and overweight and my experience doing the injections of the hCG diet that I was not starving and my body burned fat in places that I've NEVER been able to lose it. My back, my neck, my BUTT and my legs.

These area's are still smaller even though I've gained back 8 pounds due to TOM (I really need to get a handle on him) and my recent oral surgery.

You can and will lose the weight on this diet. The KEY is that you MUST watch what you eat when you are done or the pounds will creep back on. I'm also living proof to that.

If you really want the full scoop on this diet and how I did...go through my archives starting at the end of December. I tried to post as much as I could and I was very honest with what I was going through and my thoughts.

This diet wasn't super easy for me, it was hard to break some old habits and I'm still struggling with that. But for me it was the answer I was looking for.

What I'm Eating

This week....the lovely Amanda wants me to show my food storage. Because I live in Utah, you would think I have much more food storage than this but I do not. If the plague came tomorrow...I'd be screwed.

Also, I'm just a few days away from going to the grocery store and I shop for two weeks at a time so my supplies are a little depleted...but all of the good stuff is here and accounted for.

My Fridge....

  The top half contains all my favorite things.  Cheese (blue, goat and cottage), sugar free jello and pudding, 1% organic milk delivered to our front door from a local dairy farm, juice, sugar free iced tea and a box of wine.

My top crisper draw (at the top of the picture) has more cheese and natural lunchmeat (chicken and turkey...no preservatives).  Then we have eggs, Zero, Grapes and Corn Tortillas.  That chunk of Cauliflower has been in my fridge for 3 weeks....I can't remember what I was going to make with it.  The bottom crisper has salad, lemons and carrots.

The Pantry....

I have my own shelf because the kids keep stealing my snacks.  I like to eat goat cheese with Triskets for a snack and I love a piece of string cheese with a handful of pretzels.  My favorite snack is smokehouse almonds!  I have cranberries and pecan pieces to put on my blue cheese salad.  I love the Sara Lee Wheat Bread because it doesn't have high fructose corn syrup and my kids love it!

I like to keep bananas, apples and tomatoes here so we can see them and remember to eat them.

Overall...I'm pleased with what I've been eating.  I haven't been losing but I'm not gaining either.  And the Shred....lasted one day!  I think I'll pick that back up after my dental surgery (May 13th...pray for me).

Do you want to see what I'm wearing?

Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans: The Shred

I've been bad. I did my grocery shopping on Sunday and I ended up with all kinds of crap that I didn't need. M&M's, cookies and Doritos. And my weekend eating was really bad. We went to a southern BBQ place that was amazing and I ate myself into a food coma and we went to the movies Sunday and I ate a Philly Cheese Steak, fries and popcorn.

Sunday night....we didn't eat dinner. I had a glass of wine, cheese and crackers and really I couldn't have eaten more if I wanted to because WOW..I was full from the weekend.

And that is when I decided to punish myself and do the 30 Day Shred. You know the one, Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser's 30 Day Shred. I started yesterday and decided to take a before picture and when I downloaded it into my weight loss photo folder on my mac, I saw an old picture with the same pose and when I checked the date...it was exactly one year ago.

I hadn't looked at these old pictures for awhile and I was shocked.  I think my fatarexia is finally gone because I used to look at that picture on the left and see the girl on the right.  What a difference a year makes....

So back to business....Amanda wants to know:

How did you do on our first month of the journey? Were you able to stay on track with the 3 simple changes you chose in our first challenge? Are there adjustments that you can see you need to make in order to continue to be successful at winning this battle of losing weight?

I did poorly. Of course, i do have my excuses. Stress, dental work...life. But I'm going to try to do better or at least do some exercise to make up for some of my emotional eating.

As for The Shred....I know I won't make it 30 days because I have an appointment on Friday with the oral surgeon to set a date to have my wisdom teeth removed so it could just be the 15 day shred but I wanted to do something.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it to day 2 of this Shreding business because I can't lift my arms to get my coffee to my mouth.  I may need a coffee IV.

Oh and by the way...still stuck at 187.6.  No matter I eat my body is set at 187.6.

Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans: Mess Ups

I just looked through my last few posts and realized that I never updated about my test results from the Allergist.  Everything was negative!  YAY...but what the heck is going on with my lip.

That is what led me to the Dentist.  I've had some dental work that I've been putting off for a while and I thought maybe the two could be related although I doubted it because this all started with a bee sting.

Anyway, I had a major infection earlier in the week...the whole side of my face swelled up and my dentist put me a strong antibiotic and it's feeling much better today.  My body reacted to all of this trauma and infection by swelling up too.  I guess that's my reaction to stress.  Good to know.

This week Amanda wants me to answer a couple questions:

How do you handle a gain or the feeling of knowing your didn't do as well as you had hoped?

I beat myself up....I do.  But I also try to make an adjustment the next couple days and avoid whatever it   was that threw me off the wagon.

What kind of effect does this have on you?

  I feel badly about it but I try to do better the next day.

 Is there something constructive you can do to reward yourself for small steps?

 I like to reward myself with clothes and shoes now instead of donuts.

 And how are you doing this week?

  Not as good as I have been...too much stuff going on. 

 What were your challenges?

Birthday cake....but I'm proud of myself for two things.  I didn't buy a whole cake.  I bought a piece for my husband and I to share and I let my son pick out a giant cupcake that he had to share with his sister.  And then...I didn't like the cake.  After two bites, I pushed it away.  I didn't want to waste calories on something I didn't like.  I was so proud of myself for that! 

Looking for Love at McDonalds

I thought I was going to lose weight with the dental work I had done on Thursday.  I'm no expert but my body seems to be fighting back the trauma and pain (and the pain killers...hello Vicodin) by swelling up.  And then there's my face.  My tooth feels fine...but the side of my face from my eyes to my jaw is swollen.  I look like that kid from Mask.

I'm up to 187.6.

It's funny (or not...really) how I tend to rely on comfort foods when I'm feeling uncomfortable.  Not just physically, but emotionally.  Why can't I be one of those people that wants to go for a walk to feel better instead of looking for love (or comfort) in all the wrong places at Mc Donalds?

I supposed it's because I've trained myself to be this way and I want to go back to the tried and true ways.  These new ways have not become a habit yet and it will take willpower on my part to make sure I do what I need to do.

I'm thankful that I have this blog to let our some of my feelings and to somewhat hold myself accountable.

For today...I'm going to eat as little carbs as possible.

Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans: Goals

This week Amanda wants me to figure out what my current weight is and decide what my goal is. I'm disappointed in myself because my last injection weight (on the hCG diet) was 181.2 and I'm supposed to stay within 2 pounds of that until tomorrow. I have not done this. *connie hangs her head*

As of this morning, I weight 186.8...more than 5 pounds over. I'd like to blame Easter, and TOM. And the incredible amount of stress that I'm under between Obama canceling my husband's job, his attempt to find a new one, being tested for allergies and systemic diseases (everything is negative!) my expensive dental work and the fact that I'm scared of the dentist, having TWO three year olds (one turns 4 in 5 days) and drama with my family.

But it's all my fault. I need to find better ways to deal with my stress because it doesn't look like it will be ending any time soon. I started exercising (okay one day...it's a start!) but I'm putting that off until I get all of my dental work done.  I'm having a root canal redone today...and all of my wisdom teeth pulled in the next two weeks.

The good news is that I'm keeping up with my three changes. I love salad now and sometimes have two in one day!

I just really need to watch my carbs...I know they are NOT my friend.

And so...MY Goal. My ultimate goal is 175 pounds.  11.8 to lose.....

Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans: 3 Things

I decided to join my friend Amanda from Family of Shorts in her quest to go from Muffin Top to Skinny Jeans. I don't expect to lose any weight right now...I'm still in Phase 3 of the hCG diet where I'm supposed to be maintaining my weight.

The thing is...I've been cheating a little bit. I had a Subway sandwich and some cereal and I haven't gained any weight. I'm eating carbs in moderation. Which is my life long plan.

Amanda wanted me to come up with 3 small things to change to start my weight loss. She is doing something crazy like NO MORE COFFEE CREAMER. You will never see me doing that again...remember that one time when I tried to quit half and half? It wasn't pretty. Here are my 3 things.

1. Serve salad with dinner. I made my kids a salad the other night. Chopped romaine lettuce, chopped tomato and a little bit of avocado. They loved it! This will help us all get our veggies in and I want them to become familiar with salads and to like them.

2. Stop buying MandM's. I have this bad habit of picking up a package (or two) of MandM's in the checkout at the grocery store and then eating the whole package.....I don't need this.

3. No More White Bread and Pasta.  I'm making a vow to only buy WHEAT bread and pasta and to make sure that they do not contain High Fructose Corn Syrup.

See what everyone else is doing to change their life this week!

The Next Step

LIW (last injection weight) : 181.2
Current Weight: 182.6


You're probably wondering what happened to me. I've been waiting on pins and needles for someone from my Allergist's office to call me with my test results....but no one called. I'm taking this as a good sign. Surely, they won't make me wait three weeks (or more because I keep forgetting to make my next appointment) for the results..good or bad.

I've also been thinking about what I'm going to do now. I do a lot of thinking about exercise...but not enough exercise. Does anyone else do that?

I've been recording these Bollywood Shows on the exercise channel and I'm going to do them in the morning before the kids get up. They are only 20 some minutes without the commercials and they look like fun. I might even buy a cool belt with the coins on it.

And I'm going to lift weights. I've got some hand weights and I'd like to see if I can get some definition in my arms before summer since all of the cute shirts are sleeveless.

I'm also joining my friend Amanda in her quest to lose some weight. I'm not sure that I'll lose anymore for a little while...but I'd like to support the ladies that are.

Dr. Google Is Not My Friend

As I sat in the waiting room of the Lab at the hospital waiting my turn to have 6 vials of blood drawn, a Mom and her teenage daughter walked in.  The daughter was dressed like a street walker...short skirt, 6 inch black heels and a bustier.  My first thought was....please God don't let Mallory ever want to dress like that.  But then my thoughts became deeper and I prayed that God would let me live to see Mallory dress like that.

Those are the kinds of thoughts that go through your mind when you're jonesing for coffee, starving and scared shitless because the four hours of allergy testing only showed an allergy for Kentucky Blue Grass that you didn't know you had.

I had a hunch that something bad was coming when I spent 46 minutes waiting for the doctor to return with my results.  Good news comes faster....

She tried to explain to me that I do not have a venom allergy and that my swollen lip is not caused by anything I'm eating, drinking, breathing or touching.  There is something inside my body causing it.

Something that, although rare....must have been triggered by the bee sting 8 months ago.  And that's why I had blood drawn for testing for systemic diseases.   This is also a good time to note that you should never google Systemic Diseases in a hospital waiting room.  This should only be done in the privacy of your own home....so that when you freak the fuck out....you're with people that love you and not some little old lady that wants you to know that the plants in the waiting room are thriving because of the lights...much like marijuana plants that are grown in drug houses.  

There is also a very good chance that I found myself at Burger King ordering a Whopper and it was the most delicious thing I've ever eaten.  I was full the rest of the day and didn't eat dinner and miraculously lost a little over a pound.

The results to my tests...if the news is bad, will arrive in a week.  Otherwise, I will be going over the results with my doctor in three weeks.  Why do the doctors here always make me wait three weeks?

Until we know what's going on....I was advised to stop the hCG diet because it is a growth hormone and it makes cancer and diseases accelerate.  I knew this going in...I just never in a million years thought there could be anything wrong with me.

Do you want some good news?  My blood pressure was 109/68!  At my last visit with Dr. Cindi in January it was 109/79.

Easter is Cancelled

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 14    Days Remaining  14

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  181.2

Todays Weight:         182.6

Released:                   1.4  pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds
Week Two Release:  1.2 pounds....and counting


I am so freakin irritated right now.  During this cold I gained back almost 4 pounds.  Part of this is the body's defense mechanism and part of it is because I felt so bad that I ate a couple things that I shouldn't have....comfort food.

This is why I've decided to cancel Easter.  Well....not EASTER but Easter dinner.  I can't eat ham and I don't really feel like preparing an elaborate meal that I can't eat so we will eat normally.  I do dread bringing anymore chocolate into the house.

Perhaps I'll bring in just enough for the day.  Only put a small amount into the children's Easter baskets.

And this brings to the final countdown....

14 days (not counting today) left.

OH!  Good news today....I'm going to the Allergist finally to see if they can make my lip stop swelling up.

Fighting a Cold

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 12

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  178.8

Todays Weight:         181.2

Released:                   2.4  pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds
Week Two Release:  2.6 pounds....and counting

UGH...I have a cold.  It's really weird how the human body reacts to illness.  As soon as the sore throat and runny nose started...I started to notice my wedding ring feeling tight on my finger. I'm up 2.4 pounds...which I know is impossible because I haven't eaten hardly anything.  Nothing sounds good and even coffee tastes bad.

I hope this doesn't last very long because I was thinking of ending this round right before Easter so I could enjoy the holiday (minus the chocolate and my favorite potatoes).  At this rate...I may just skip Easter dinner altogether.   I don't think my family would really care anyway.

My other potential stop date is the weekend after Easter (the 10th) because my daughter and I are throwing a tea party.

Remember the Oscar party I attended with my husband and the blue martini incident?  My friend Sara who threw the party sent me the pictures yesterday and I was soooo pleased with how they turned out.

It's a Miracle!

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 10

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  181.2

Todays Weight:         178.8

Released:                   2.4  pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds
Week Two Release:  5 pounds....and counting


DID YOU SEE THAT???????


I have lost 5 pounds in the last two days.   Here's what is curious about this.  I started to lose more weight when I started giving myself the shots four days ago...when I started measuring the hCG myself....and not having my sister do it.

Either we're experiencing a miracle here....or I wasn't getting enough hCG!


We went shopping yesterday and discovered that we are wearing the same size now. And Oh my Heck, I bought a new bra yesterday....36C and the straps are TINY...like a training bra!  Even the fastener in the back is small.  I guess when you're hauling around a lot of weight your undergarments have to be industrial sized.

Edited:  Just realized...I haven't weighed this weight since HIGH SCHOOL!  23 years ago....

I Has NOT Cheeseburger

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 9

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  183.8

Todays Weight:         181.2

Released:                   2.6  pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds
Week Two Release:  2.6 pounds....and counting

Holy Cow!  Did you see that up there?  2.6 pounds in one day.

I went to the grocery store by myself yesterday after returning from a little boy's birthday party where I turned down cake.  While shopping....I started to crave a cheeseburger and since I was alone...no one would know if I went through the Wendy's drive thru and got one.

There was a line in the drive thru and I don't like lines plus someone might see my car and wonder what I was doing in line at Wendy's.

I went home and thought about that cheeseburger all night.


I'm so glad I didn't get that cheeseburger.....

Water Please

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 8

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  184

Todays Weight:        183.8

Released:                   .2 pounds

Week One Release:  3.2 pounds

I didn't drink enough water yesterday. And I didn't get much sleep last night...my daughter has a cough and my legs were cramping up. I hope I do better tomorrow....


Bobbi forgot to give me my shot yesterday so I had to give it to myself. It wasn't so bad so I think I will just do it myself from now on so I don't have to wait for her.


I've got a crazy plan in my head about a way to surprise my husband with a big reveal when I finish this round.  I just have to coordinate a bunch of things and I'm hoping that planning this will help keep my mind off the losing and on the goal!


I'll tell you more about it this week.....

We Are All Precious

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 7

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  185

Todays Weight:         184

Released:                    1 pounds


What an emotional week!

I think my daughter's birthday brought all kinds of emotions up for me and has made it hard to get my head where it needs to be to do this.  The last few weeks, God has been testing me too....there is the possibility that my husband will be getting a job 5 miles from my parent's house.  The parents that I'm estranged from at the moment.  And I keep getting little messages about forgiveness.

He's definitely trying to tell me something.

I have all of this *stuff* crammed in a closet and when I open the door a little bit...everything comes falling out.  Why can't the emotions and memories be in nice little boxes that I can open one at a time and deal with them?

If you are in a state like this...the worst thing you can do is watch Precious.  I watched it yesterday during nap time and it's a heart wrenching film.  I was exhausted after watching it and just so sad. One thing I did realize was that there are women out there that have had much worse things happen to them.  My problems aren't that bad and I can do something about it.

But it's still ONLY ME that can prevent forest fires.  Was anyone else traumatized by those ads as a child or was it just me?  That's a lot of pressure to put on a kid....

Yesterday, I was worried that my hCG was no longer potent because I've been sooo hungry.  Bobbi called the pharmacist and he said it should be good for 60 days.  Mine is 69 days old.  I did some research online and found out I could test it by putting some on a pregnancy test.

I used to buy them by the bucketfull so I went to my stash and found that I only had one left and it was a digital one.  I felt silly standing around the kitchen waiting to find out if my drugs were pregnant but the good news is that we got a YES!

I thought about tricking my husband....but I didn't.  He's probably have a heart attack or something.

I'm Like Smokey Bear

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 6

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  185.6

Todays Weight:         185

Released:                    .6 pounds

Thank you everyone that commented yesterday and gave me your thoughts on what a normal weight should be.  You're right...it's different for everyone.

I did end up discussing it with my husband (against my better judgement) and he wants me to lose another 10 pounds.  I kind of figured that's what he was going to say because all of his previous girlfriends (BC...Before Connie) were thin and beautiful.  *Connie Rolls Her Eyes*

Thinking about body image and self-esteem leaves me with a pit in my stomach because I grew up with a father that never thought I was thin enough and threatened to divorce my Mom if she didn't lose weight.  I watched her struggle with her weight and go on diet after diet.

I don't want my daughter to ever feel the way I did or witness this kind of behavior.  It's so important to me that the mistakes of my childhood never be repeated and it feels sometimes like I'm the only one that prevent that.  I'm like Smokey Bear and ONLY I can prevent forest fires.  Son of a Pelosi!  Being a Mom is exhausting!

Anyway, thanks for listening.  I guess I need to go work on my Stepford Wife Transformation.....

What is Normal?

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 5

Starting Weight:        187
Yesterday's Weight:  187

Todays Weight:         185.6

Released:                    1.4 pounds

I took my measurements this morning.

I'm really happy with my progress and according to the size chart at Banana Republic...I'm now a size 12.  This thrills me to no end but it's also been giving me much to think about today.  All my life....I wanted to be a 12.  When I was a teenager...I always wore a size 11 (junior sizes run odd numbers for some crazy reason) and I thought I was perfect at that size.

After I graduated from high school and gained weight...I always dreamed of being a size 12 again.  I considered that a healthy size for me and it was where I always longed to be again.

When I look at myself in the mirror without clothes....I like what I see.  I'm not skinny but I'm much thinner and proportionate.  I still have pockets of fat (my little mommy belly) but much of the fat rolls have disappeared.  The pants that I've bought fit me really well and they look good on me.

At 185.6 pounds my BMI is 28.3 and according to the charts....my normal weight should be 164 pounds.

So...here's the thing.  I know that I have more muscle and possibly bone than a normal person.  I am not a small boned person.  This morning I did this little test to figure out what my bone structure is and it's medium....almost large.  This would put my normal weight between 169 and 180 according to this website.

Then I took their body fat test and it told me that I have 21% fat.  Which comes to 38.9 pounds of fat and 146.1 pounds of muscle, bone and body water.  According to their data...a healthy body fat percentage is 22% and now I'm just below that.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this.

I don't want to be skinny.  I don't want to bust my ass to maintain a weight that is unrealistic for me.  Which brings me to the reason for this post.

Do I really need to lose 20 more pounds? 

I'm trying to be realistic and I'm thinking about my daughter and how my weight is going to effect her life.  I would rather easily maintain a size 12 than struggle to maintain a size 8.  My goal was to get my weight under control before she could remember me being overweight and not have my struggles influence her body image. The goal was to be a normal, healthy weight and not skinny.

I've been so wrapped up in losing weight and I love seeing the results on the scale and I almost feel like I've become addicted to the excitement of seeing results everyday.  But how much is too much?  How much weight (pun intended) should we put in the charts that insurance companies and doctor's offices use?


What should my normal weight be....and when should I say enough is enough and stop dieting?

Fast Food Chicken

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 4

Starting Weight:          187

Yesterday's Weight:   184

Todays Weight:           187

Released Gained:        3   pounds

 

 

TOM is  having a hayday with me this month.  And I made a mistake yesterday.  I was out doing some shopping with my famliy and I didn't plan ahead and ended up eating at McDonalds.  I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich (i removed the bun) and an iced tea....but they gave me SWEET TEA and I didn't take it back.  I was so hungry and thirsty that I just drank it.  I'm concerned that there is just too much sodium/fat in the fast food chicken and I'm retaining water (among other things) today.

I feel like crap.

This could also be due to the fact that I watched FOOD, INC the other day.  Have you seen this?  Totally freaked me out and made me want to stop eating meat from the grocery store and never eat fast food again.  The good news is that we've cut way back on that since I've been on this diet.  My family is definitely healthier since I've started this.

 

I'm All In

Round 3, Phase 2, Day 3

Starting Weight:          187

Yesterday's Weight:   188.6 

Todays Weight:           184

Released:                      4.6   pounds

 

That's what I'm talking about! 

 

 I had a conversation with my brother in law on Saturday about food addiction.  After seeing me in person for the first time since I started this diet...he's interested in trying it too.  But before he committed to it...I thought I should talk about his addictions first because if you can't get a handle on them while going through this process...then it's a waste of time and energy.  

While talking to him I realized just how far I've come on this journey and what I've learned about myself.  More than anything...I feel like I've fought a battle and I've won.  That is becoming more evident when I'm off from the hormone and can make my own choices.  I'm making good ones and some of my old habits are gone....never to return. 

Remember how sad I was about bread?  I don't miss it anymore.  Chocolate and wine will always be my good friends and I think that's okay because I've also learned that I can have them...in smaller quantities.  Apparently, me and vodka have not reached that understanding yet so for now....I will refrain.

And another thing?  It's mostly in my head.  Last round, I wasn't 100% in the game but this time...I'm all in!

Round 3, Day 2

Round 3, Day 2

Starting Weight:          187

Todays Weight:           188.6

LOAD WEIGHT:           1.6 pounds

 

 

I started back on the hCG yesterday and I decided to just do one load day.  I took a 9 day break so I didn't think I needed the whole shebang.  I ate my favorite McDonald's Burrito, cheese, cake, one piece of pizza and a caesar salad.

I felt so horrible last night that I could barely sleep.  It was rough! 

I feel so much better when I'm not eating carbs.....

The plan:

My son's 4th birthday is in 38 days.  I'm going to try very hard to make it the entire 38 days or 21 pounds...whichever comes first.  Ideally, I'd like to reach 21 pounds in 21 days but we'll see what happens.

The Raisinet Diet

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 8

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:     187
+/-  LIW                   +1 pound


TOM is playing tricks on me.  He shows up and then goes on a little trip somewhere and then pops back in when I have my back turned and my white pants on.  I suspect this is happening because I'm approaching my 40's at a rapid pace and the big M is just around the corner.

If you don't know what I'm talking about....I mean Menopause.  Which means a whole other set of body related issues.

I went to WalMart last night and I was really pleased that I didn't want any of my other usual snacks.  I did buy a bag of Raisinets to get me through the chocolate cravings of the next few days...since I have done research that suggests that Raisinets help you lose weight.

I'm trying to decide when to start my next round.  I have company (my Brother In Law) until Sunday and then my daughter's actual birthday is Tuesday  but we're celebrating on Saturday.  Maybe I'll just start Sunday.  I'm anxious to get this show on the road....and to get super serious and lose this last 20 pounds!

Say Hello to TOM

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 7

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:     188
+/-  LIW                   +2 pounds


TOM just arrived and he says hello.  I'm still amazed every month what hormones do to a woman's body even when she is eating healthy and not eating carbs.  Since food will be on my mind for the next few days I thought I would do this little meme that I've seen floating around the internet.


FIVE FOODS I USED TO LOVE

Frozen Pizza. I grew up eating Totino's Pizza but it looks (and probably tastes) like cardboard. From now on if I'm going to have Pizza...it's gonna be the real kind from my favorite place.

Taco Bell. Another thing that seems gross now....If I'm going to eat it...I want the good stuff.

Soda. I drank some during my last load and it didn't taste good. Dr. Pepper is in my fridge and I haven't wanted it. AMAZING!

French Fries. The fat and calories are just not worth it. I'll make baked fries at home if I need to.

Hostess Fried Cherry Pie. I used to buy these when I went grocery shopping and would scarf it down on my way home...hiding the wrapper in the outside dumpster. These are soooo bad for me. I don't want to eat them anymore.

FIVE FOODS I LOVE NOW

Salad.  Especially with blue cheese, dried cranberries and pecans.  

Eggs.  LOVE them...they are good for you and I've even gotten used to using egg whites.

Avocado.  I love the creamy taste and the way it tastes with turkey.

Ribeye.  I love my meat!

Cauliflower.  I made cauliflower rice to go with my Curry and it was soooo good!  

FIVE FOODS I STILL CAN’T STAND

Cucumbers.  I've never really liked these and I ate way too many of them in my first round.

Iceberg Lettuce.  What is the point of this?

Anything Sour.  I've got a sweet tooth baby!

Hot Dogs.  I've never loved them.  Sometimes they sound good...but they aren't.

Pears.  I've never liked them.

FIVE FOODS I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT

Almonds.

Cheese.

Chocolate. 

Chicken.

Bread.

Hangovers Are For Losers

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 6

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:     185.6
+/-  LIW                   -.4 pounds

You may have noticed that I didn't post yesterday.  That's because I was recovering from The Martini Diet and couldn't get off the couch.  I also lost 2.8 pounds.  I really don't recommend this diet (Martini...Not hCG) because your house turns into a pig sty because you can't function.

In my defense...I think part of my problem was that my martini's were blue like the aliens on Avatar.

Have a great day!  I'm off to write a new diet plan that involves Martini's and Raisinets!

No More Beer for Me

Round 2, Phase 3...Day4

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:    188.4
+/-                         +2.4 pounds


CRAP!  I'm over the 2 pound mark.  I hope I enjoyed the beer I had yesterday because it's the last one I'm ever having. I drank another beer with my dinner last night....they are gone now...I think I'll stick with Vodka and Wine.

When you gain more than 2 pounds from your Last Injection Weight...you are supposed to do a steak day, where you eat steak and drink water all day.  But I read about an alternative...Egg & Cheese Day.  Good think I love both of those things!


We're going to the Oscar party tonight and I'm really excited!  I'm going to be a good girl....

Pizza, Wings and Beer...OH MY!

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 3

(LIW):                     186
Today's Weight:    187.4
GAIN:                     1.4 pounds




I ate a half a piece of pizza last night....and some wings....and 1.5 Coors Lights.  I had this really nice NO CARB meal planned and then I got a phone call that my Aunt and Uncle that I haven't seen in 4 years were coming through town and my husband told me to just order PIZZA and he brought home beers because my Uncle likes beer and I was going to eat salad from the fridge but I drank a beer and the rest is 1.4 pounds.


AND...they didn't stay for dinner.  The Pizza was not even necessary.  *Connie bangs her head against a wall*


Today is a new day and we're going to the movies (Alvin and the Chipmunks) but I'm prepared to bring my almonds.  The Movies aren't a problem for me anymore....plus I found out that Raisinets help you lose weight.


Have a great weekend!

EDITED:  This is the pizza I had!  So excited to find it on this list of the 20 Best Restaurant Foods in America!

Eating Out...Not Hard

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 2

Last Injection Weight (LIW): 186
Today's Weight:                     186
WOOT!


I went out to dinner last night with some friends and I now have a new favorite restaurant that serves HEALTHY FOOD!  I would now like to profess my love to....

THE OLIVE GARDEN

They have something called The Garden Fare Option and their website breaks down the choices by Low Fat, Carbs, Gluten Free and No Sugar Added. Based on this information....I chose:

It was so delicious and filling! The perfect thing for me to order on my No Carb Diet.


**Disclaimer**  I was not paid by The Olive Garden for this post.  I truly just loved my meal and wanted to share it with all of my friends.  However, if The Olive Garden wanted to treat me to another meal...I'd totally say YES!  **

Goodbye 8 more pounds

Round 2, Phase 3...Day 1

Last Injection Weight (LIW): 186
Today's Weight:                     186

Round 2 Overview
Week One Released:     2.6 lbs (+3.4 load weight) 6 lbs total
Week Two Released:    3.6 lbs
Week Three Released:  1.8 lbs
Total Released:             8 pounds


Not too bad considering I didn't try very hard with this round and I cheated quite a bit.  Kind of kicking myself for that but I find it nearly impossible to keep away from the treats that my sister keeps bringing into the house.  I can't seem to get through to her that she needs to keep that stuff out of my sight.  Where is my willpower?  Maybe I'll find it in my next round.....

 This break is going to last 10 days....right up to my daughter's 3rd Birthday Party.  My husband wanted to me extend it to St. Patrick's Day so that I could go out with him and his work friends for a drink but I can't get a babysitter so that won't work.

I was reading yesterday that people that inject the hCG shouldn't cycle.  Not sure why and I don't want to take any chances that my hCG will lose it's potency so I'm going to go for it.  Plus...I'm 23 pounds from my goal!!

Maybe that can be my inspiration for the next round....

About Face

Round 2, Day 18....3 Days Remaining

Starting Weight:          194 (+3.4 load weight)

Today's Weight:          186

Yesterday's Weight:   186.6

Released:                      .6 pounds

Week One Released:     2.6 lbs (+3.4 load weight) 6 lbs total

Week Two Released:     3.6 lbs

Week Three Released:  1.8 lbs

My last injection for this short round was yesterday...now I follow the VLCD for two more days and then Thursday I can eat more....I miss my eggs and cheese.  I'm going to a birthday party Thursday night so I altered my ending date slightly.  All of a sudden, I'm very popular! 

Check out these pictures!  

 

December 25 ~ 211 pounds

 

February 28th ~ 187 pounds

Happy Dance

Round 2, Day 17....4 Days Remaining

Starting Weight:            194 (+3.4 load weight)
Today's Weight:            186.6
Yesterday's Weight:     187.6
Released:                        1 pound

Week One Released:    2.6 lbs (+3.4 load weight) 6 pounds total

Week Two Released:    3.6 lbs

Week Three Released: 1.2 lbs

I ate Raisinettes. BUT I lost an entire pound!! *Connie does the happy dance* Avatar was wonderful! Exciting and sad and happy and LONG....so I was starving and went to the concession stand half way through and bought a box.

I had such a great weekend...seeing movies, shopping at Target for Birthday presents for my daughter and I had coffee with my blogging friend Jen and she was everything I hoped she'd be. I've been thinking about it....and I'm gonna be sad if we do leave Utah because I've made some wonderful friends here.

Have a great Monday everyone!